5 Beneficial Ways to Help First Born Adjust to New Baby

Reluctant on expanding your family from one child to two, because of the uncertainty of how the first born would adjust? This post is about 5 beneficial ways to help your first born adjust to the new baby.

1.Have A Conversation

I'll never forget the night when my husband took me on a beautiful date, wined and dined me, only to drop the gut-wrenching question, "You want to try for another baby?" Although we've talked about having at least two kids in the past, I was content with Wynter being the only child. Months prior, we asked Wynter if she would like to have a brother or sister, and her answer would be a firm NO, every single time! So for quite some time, I was uneasy about fulfilling my husbands request. I wanted to make sure our daughter was comfortable and I also wanted to make sure I was mentally and physically prepared to be a mother of 2.

Eleven months later we were expecting baby #2. When I was clear of the first trimester, we decided that it was time to share the news with our daughter. Suprisingly, she was very excited to become a big sister. Only 3 years old at the time, as you can imagine, she had a lot of questions. We enlightened her that a new baby would be an adjustment for all of us. For months leading up to the birth of Wysdom, we would be sure to answer any questions that Wynter had, to help her feel comfortable for the change that we were getting ready to experience. The conversations were filled with curiosity, giggles, and anxiousness. Having a conversation or six, is one benefit that could help your first born with adjusting to the newborn.

2. Get Involved

The time has come for me to birth my second beautiful baby girl. September 2020, our lives changed forever. I remember 8 days before giving birth, I was an emotional wreck. It dawned on me that I was about to be a mother of 2 and I didn't want my first born to feel neglected. The overwhelming amount of care that goes into taking care of a newborn pulled on my heart strings. Not because I didn't want to care for my baby, I just didn't want to lack taking care of my first born. Here we are almost four years into it being all about her, to suddenly being about them. I shook the feeling by cuddling with my one and only for as long as I could.

Once her sister arrived, she couldn't wait to meet her. The great cheer in her voice when she saw her baby sis on FaceTime, warmed my heart. 2 days later she was able to meet and hold her baby sister, and it was beautiful. I gave her helpful tips about the do's and don'ts of handling the baby. Getting her involved in small tasks, like throwing the dirty diaper away, getting the blanket, or keeping an eye on baby while mommy use the bathroom, to help me out, was a great way to teach her small responsibility. It also let her know that she's a massive piece of our family puzzle. She was able to brag about helping mommy with the baby. Finding meaningful ways to get the first born involve can help significantly with the transition of their new reality.

3. No Blame

There were days that I didn't have a moment to eat a quarter of my meal because of the high demands of baby girl. When Wynter would ask me to play with her or fully engage into a cartoon without interruptions, I found myself saying Not right now, I have to tend to the baby. She didn't quite understand why I could no longer give her my undivided attention as I did before. She would say things like " Just put her down" or " The baby comes before me". This is what I was afraid of. There was a lot of reiterating happening in our home.

I realized that I had to change my wording. Instead of saying I couldn't do something because of the baby, I chose to say when I'm finish with this task I'll try my best to give you some uninterrupted time. It is imperative to not blame the baby for not being able to accommodate request. You don't want the first born resenting the baby. Grant it, there may be instances of jealous moments, but its normal. If your spouse/partner is able to fill in until you're available, that could help alleviate some of the stress of accommodating both kids .

4. Mommy & Me Time

I've always enjoyed doing fun playdates with Wynter. I didn't realize how much I would miss those dates of just she and I until suddenly, I was no longer able to go down the slide with her without caring for her sister, if my husband wasn't with us. My heart is full being a mother of 2, however I believe that it is necessary to pour into their love banks individually. Wynter is soon to be 6 years old, she's maturing right before my eyes. She absolutely loves her sister and she's a great big sister. As time waits for no one, I've made it my priority to set up Mommy & Me and/or Parent & Me dates with her.

One day she and I went to breakfast and shopping. She was able to talk about whatever was on her mind and purchase items from her favorite store. Another day hubby and I took her to breakfast and enjoyed some time at the beach. We spend 90% of our free time as a family, so of course she wanted to know why her sister wasn't joining us. We explained that we wanted to spend time with her while her sister was in daycare for the day and a have heart to heart conversation with our first baby. She was so appreciative of the date, she said "It was the best day ever, besides the sun being so hot!" The goal was to let her know that she is just as important as an individual along with being a big sister. Find the alone time to spend with the first born, even if its just 15 minutes, once a week or whatever works for you. They'll appreciate it.

5.Better Together

When hubby and I decided to start and grow our family, we was sure to share expectations and goals with each other in how we would raise our children. One of our main goals were to exemplify LOVE and RESPECT every chance we get. We're very cautious in how we carry ourselves, how we speak to each other, and the company we keep, especially around our children. We understand that we cant shelter our girls from the world and it's iniquities, but in our home they will know what's acceptable versus what's not.

Though it is human to have disagreements, to feel emotional, and to face challenges, it is important to know how to deal with it. Even at the ages of 5 and 2, our girls face challenges of sharing their toys or who is going to lay on mommy's chest first. The screaming and cries are a part of figuring out the compromise. I talk to them and explain that there's enough of toys and mommy to share, no need to get upset. Does it work every time? No! But correcting them in that moment will help them remember for the next time they may experience the difficulties of sharing. Most of the time they hug it out and go back to playing and smiling. We teach them to always have each other's back, in all things RIGHT! Healthy sibling love is essential. They'll be better together.

This blog post highlighted 5 beneficial ways to help first born adjust to new baby. If you're looking to expand your family, may this post bring you clarity and encouragement. If you have beneficial ways to add to our list, we would love to hear them. -Until then, always remember to Live On Purpose!